Director: Damon LemayWriter: Damon Lemay
Released: 2007
Cast: Adam Hose, Brynn Lucas, Dennis Lemoine, Phil Burke
Never have I seen a Zombie movie so mind-numbingly awful as Zombie Town. It may, in fact, be the worst Zombie movie I've ever seen. And I've seen both Zombie Lake and FleshEater. It's so bad, you can't even make fun of it, but can only sit, slack-jawed, tears welling in your eyes, praying for death as it plays out before you.
I know Zombie Town is a low-budget effort, and I'm taking that into consideration. The fact that it was shot on video bothered me for about five minutes, but I got over it. And for the money they had - or didn't have - the effects were surprisingly gory and effective. It's not these I had a problem with; It's the story.
Zombie Town opens on a lone redneck running through the woods. What's he running from? We never find out.
Seriously.
In his haste to get away from whatever it is, he trips over a body that he recognizes as "Brett". Who's Brett? Again, I can't help you.
Then he's attacked by a Zombie. Although we never actually see it. Is this what he was running from? Doubtful, as the attack comes from the opposite direction to that from which he was running.
That's a great number of unanswerable questions in the first 77 seconds of the movie.
But nevermind all that, because, meanwhile, in a nearby cabin, another lot of rednecks interrupt their monthly discussion of Proust to argue whether or not one of them still wets the bed. During which argument, they are attacked by the guy who we previously saw running through the woods.
The infection makes its way into town and the typical Zombie hijinx ensue: Zombie bites dog, dog bites old lady, old lady bites Bingo partner.
And so on. And on. And on.
Why does the Sheriff lock the bleeding, infected man with the broken leg in a jail cell, rather than take him to the hospital? Where did these slugs come from all of a sudden? Are they a side-effect of the Zombie virus, or the cause of it? Do they come from another planet, or are they the result of eco-terrorism? And who the hell was Brett?
The cast isn't even interesting enough to be a distraction. Adam Hose plays Jake LaFond, the hero of the piece. He has one less facial expression than Keanu Reeves and delivers his lines as though the script specified "monotone". Brynn Lucas is his recently-returned-to-town ex-girlfriend, Alex. She's a marine biologist who's apparently afraid of ducks. This never comes back around. And Dennis Lemoine is Randy, the alleged comic relief. He's what passes for suave in this town, if suave is a big, dumb, hillbilly Seth Rogan.
In some parts of the world, Zombie Town is known as Night of the Creeps 2. Don't be fooled. Apart from the murky plotline involving slugs, there is no connection to Fred Dekker's classic. Stay away from Zombie Town at all cost.[Blah]
